Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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