Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
