I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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