What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
