I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
