I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
