I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
