You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
