I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
