this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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