I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you win again, gameday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
