Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
