Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
