Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want nice things and good sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
