Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
