so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
