There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
