the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
