just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
