just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
