last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
