i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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