you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
