Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
