Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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