Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
