I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
