Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
