her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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