Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
