My room smells like vodka and shame
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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