do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
