im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
