i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
