My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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