Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
