i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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