Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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