i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
