why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone came in the potted fern
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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