I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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