we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
