Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
