Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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