I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
