He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
