i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
