I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
