That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
