Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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