another moral hangover. fuck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
