Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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