ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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