Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
